The 6 Worst Movies I Saw This Decade
It’s the end of the year, but not just any year. 2009. The first decade of the 21st century is just about over, and while we’ve done a lot of amazing things these past 10 years, and seen a lot of great movies, that’s what everyone else is going to be talking about. So instead, I’m writing up a list of the worst movies I’ve seen in the past 10 years. Or at least, the ones I haven’t blocked out because of the trauma. To be honest, most of these are from the past few years, because some of the older ones had to get shoved out of my brain to make room for things that don’t suck.
Feel free to add your own in the comments!
6. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull
![indiana_jones_and_the_kingdom_of_the_crystal_skull_ver2[1]](http://alltopmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/indiana_jones_and_the_kingdom_of_the_crystal_skull_ver21-202x300.jpg "indiana_jones_and_the_kingdom_of_the_crystal_skull_ver2[1]")
I never walk out of a movie. Buying a ticket, to me, is a contract. I have given money, I will sit through this movie, no matter what. I nearly broke that contract watching this movie. In fact, I would have, had I not been on a date. After we left the theater, the conversation went like this:
Him: “Man, I wanted to walk out of that so bad, but I looked at you, and you seemed to be into it, so I powered through.”
Me: “I wasn’t into it, I was planning escape routes. We have really got to work on our communication here.”
But, in all seriousness, if you saw that movie, and you probably did, you know our pain. The excruciatingly dumb plot, the horrible goofs, the monkeys…. I could go on and on, but enough has been said about this movie and frankly, I hope it withers in our memories into nonexistence.
5. The Breakup
![breakup-poster[1]](http://alltopmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/breakup-poster1-202x300.jpg "breakup-poster[1]")
I love(d) Vince Vaughn. I guess I kinda like Jennifer Aniston. She’s okay. Her arms are in really great shape and Friends was funny… unlike this movie. It’s not that the movie was poorly made. In fact, it’s kind of the opposite. They managed to hit the nail on the head, but what they might not have realized is nobody likes breakups. They suck. They’re painful and uncomfortable and sad and you just want them to be over with as quickly as possible. Quite like this movie.
4. Blindness
Everything about this movie sounded great. I love Julianne Moore. I love apocalypse movies. I went into this expecting Children of Men, and that’s a mistake. This movie is made by incredibly talented people, and they do a great job…of making a horribly depressing movie that will make you lose your faith in mankind. This movie is what feels like hours and hours of watching people roll around in their own filth, both literally and figuratively, and after about 20 minutes I kinda wished I could be struck blind as well. Sure, it’s ‘thought-provoking’ and all, but most of the thoughts I had consisted of ‘ugh.’
3. Fear dot com
![fear_dot_com[1]](http://alltopmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/fear_dot_com1-202x300.jpg "fear_dot_com[1]")
Oh, Stephen Dorff. Once, I loved you. I did. I had a huge crush on you. And this movie destroyed it with its completely incomprehensible plot, its terrible, terrible dialogue, and its immense sucking. This movie is sort of like The Ring, but instead of a tape, it’s a killer website….although, I’m pretty sure a tape of this movie might actually kill you. They manage to use every cheesy horror movie cliche (they practically lifted an entire scene from The Changeling, if memory serves) and ram them down our throats in a way that doesn’t even make sense. I was actually angry that I saw this movie. A lot of times, a movie is so bad it becomes good in it’s own way. And, sometimes, a movie is so bad it races right past that point and becomes a black hole of awful that you can never come back from. This movie is that bad.
2. The Happening
![the-happening-poster[1]](http://alltopmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/the-happening-poster1-205x300.jpg "the-happening-poster[1]")
I’m gonna save 2 hours of your life right now. It’s the trees. The trees are killing everyone. There you go. I had heard that M.Night Shamalamadingdong was actually trying to make a modern B-Movie here (that whole so bad it’s good thing we were just talking about). He actually failed at failing. And what’s up with Marky Mark’s dumb face the whole time. Always got that stupid half smile and positive attitude. The only thing I liked about this movie was Zooey Deschanal’s pants. They were pretty cute.
1. The Notorious Betty Page
![500full-the-notorious-bettie-page-poster[1]](http://alltopmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/500full-the-notorious-bettie-page-poster1-202x300.jpg "500full-the-notorious-bettie-page-poster[1]")
They managed to make naked S&M shenanigans boring. You tell me how they did that. I still can’t figure it out.
So what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Can you top this awfulness?
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One Response to “The 6 Worst Movies I Saw This Decade”
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Are you kidding me? How in the world did Indiana Jones end up on this list. I don’t know who this reviewer is, but they obviously have no connection with the taste of American movie goers.
It’s reviews like this that cause me not to pay any attention to reviews. I still remember when E.T., one of the great all time movies didn’t win movie of the year at the
Oscars. Tell me that you remember any other movie from that year. Without looking it up, test your memory, what movie did get the Oscar that year?
Indiana Jones, we, the American Public loved your movie. Please ignore the poor taste of the reviewer who made up this list. They obviously don’t ever ask the movie goers what they think of the movie.